"Why Do I Scare Myself?"

I continued writing at my laptop, and I couldn't seem to break through my writer's block. I so badly wanted to just get through with it, but there wasn't anything on my mind that could give me something to write about. After some time, I decided to spend the rest of my night reading on scary stories, as well as scary music to go along with it. It was already late at night, and there I was doing all this to myself. I felt a shaky feeling that I was being watched from my peripheral view. A shiver would course through my body as I did this, knowing full well that I was the only person awake. Especially since I've been living in a new house, and it seemed to have its own secrets. Nobody had lived in the house in a long while, and when we first moved in, there was a written note inscribed to the wall of a closet in the attic. It said "Someone died in here." I'm serious when I say this, but even then, I still scared myself at night. I asked myself this one question over and over again, "Why do I scare myself?" Of course, I always came definitive answer, but it wasn't enough to describe why I really did it because I would still ponder it time and time again.

So why do I do it?

I do it because it gives me ideas. I do it because whenever I write horror, I can always relate back to that feeling of being scared. The idea of living in a state of fear that something might just be watching you from around the corner. Fear that something could be lurking near you in the darkness when you turn off all the lights in the house. The fear that there's something very odd about the place that you're in. This only gives me more fuel to describe fear in whatever I write. It gives me a sense of what real horror is. Although I would never want to experience such awful things I write in my stories, it still gives me a nice vision to write about. It is a window to the horror genre that only those who want to scare themselves can truly captivate. My friends my come up to me and ask "what are you watching?" as I'm on my laptop. Then they see, "30 scary stories that turned out to be true" and then they say "why am I not surprised?". I guess I have built up a certain identity to my interest in learning more about the horrific. In the end, it all gives me a pleasant touch to what I write about. This is why I never run out of things to write. Fear is described in many ways, and new fears are created every now and then. The only way to understand what is there is to know what it's all about. The world is filled with endless info as well as strange things. I may be a skeptic, but that doesn't mean I don't find any interest into anything that is completely strange or out of the ordinary. I will keep scaring myself but I wouldn't just call it that. I will keep learning more and more of what drives people's fears.